| Mugshot |
Missionery
Position |
Mismanagement
Role |
| |
Missionary
Position: Grand Master
In Real Life: Rene
SCARLET
Dekiefte
(H) 02 6288 8210
(W) 02 6207 1607
|
Grand
Master:
The head honcho. The chairman of the board. The Fat Cat
extrordinaire. The big cohuna. The GM is not simply a
figure head for the hash, rather he personifies the hash's
character (or lack thereof.) The GM runs the circle with
an iron hand and leads with a dynamic strength instilling
inspiration, direction, and vision. This position ranks
only below Religious Advisor, Hash Cash, Trailmaster/On
Sec, Dray, WWWebMistress, Haberdash, Horn, Flash, Mugs,
Waiter, Orgyniser and Hash Pyros in real importance to
the hash. |
| |
Missionary
Position: Religious Advisor
In Real Life: Mike GOBBLES
Fowler
(H)
02
6294 6104
(M)
0401 173 978
Email
Gobbles
|
Religious
Advisor: Keeper of the faith. Weather-person
(see Rule 7). Enforcer
of the scriptures. This is the hasher who has seen the
light (Tooheys light) and can taste in his soul the
true spirit of Hashing. The religious advisor spreads
the word and inspires the zest and zeal of the hash
in all participants. Any hasher found transgressing
the spirit of hashing is disciplined by the RA. He is
the keeper of the sacred Laws of Hashing and comes up
with sufficiently plausible lies to cover any serious
questions of propriety of actions within the hash. |
| |
Missionary
Position: Hash Cash
In Real Life: Mike GNASH
Nash
(H)
(W)
(M)1
|
Hash
Cash: The holder of the purse-strings and the
poor bastard who has to dash about the start of each
run begging for money. Keeps track of what comes in
and what goes out . . . This trustworthy soul must withstand
the whining of the Hares who have over-spent, the whimpering
of those who forgot their $10, and the interrogations
of those who mistakenly think there should be some sort
of accounting for hash funds. Always gets a new car
during their committee service. |
|
Missionary
Position: Trailmaster/On Sec
In Real Life: Nick
LIKESA Fisher
(H) 02 6288 0117
(W) 02
(M) 0413 084 710
|
Trailmaster/On
Sec: The Trailmaster/On Sec makes sure that there's
a hare (or hares) for each hash, and that the start
location is known to the WWWebmistress well in advance
of hash day for publicity purposes. This poor bastard
IS the hare if he can't find anyone else to do it. The
Trailmaster/On Sec is the masochist's dream as he struggles
with piles of papers, miles of computer wire, and attempts
to regularly produce a legible Run Report that keeps
the hash members reasonably informed. He also maintains
the Yahoo email lists and other such nonsense. Boring
stuff to say the least. |
|
Missionary
Position: Hash Dray
In Real Life: John JR
Rosser
(H)
02 6161 6598
(W) 02 6161 6598
(M) 0439 886 598 |
Hash
Dray: This is unquestionably the most important
position in the hash. The Hash Dray has the weighty responsibility
of making sure that the lifeblood of hashing is available
at each and every hash event. He keeps constant vigilance
to find the cheapest spirituous fermenti available, always
has an appendage in the form of a
trailer hanging off his car and cases of beer in his
garage. This job requires a strong back and a weak mind. |
| |
Missionary
Position: SpiderMan
In Real Life: Duncan TOYBOY
Brice
(H)
02 6242 6657
(W) 02 6261 2989
(M) 0408 426 657
|
SpiderMan:
The Capital Hashs’ virtual representative, keeping
the official website of the Capital hash coated in sugar
‘n’ honey in the hope of attracting virgins
and visiting hashers. The Spiderman holds the reputations
of the kennel in the palm of his hand, and characters
are created or broken at the lethal tap of a keyboard.
But does he use this awesome power? Certainly not, as
protecting the privacy of the hash is his utmost priority
– and the bribes are too good! |
| |
Missionary
Position: Hash Haberdash
In Real Life: RUBBER
DUCKIE
|
Haberdash:
He has the cunning of a fox and the memory of an elephant,
as no discount store is left unsniffed in the stalking
of her prey - the $6 giveaway. This person knows how
to barter (like getting free beers for free). When travelling,
the haberdash must be so devoted that they keep their
own luggage to a minimum, as to be free to cart 2 storage
containers of stock everywhere. Go to the haberdash
to discuss your great ideas on what the Hash absolutely
‘needs’ to purchase for haberdash –
to mou mous’, lycra lingerie, safari suits or
pink Akruba hats the haberdashs’ answer will be
the same - don’t call us, we’ll call you! |
| |
Missionary
Position: Hash Horn
In Real Life: Wayne GERBILS
Pethybridge
|
Hash
Horn: Equipment requirements: A bugle or other
appropriate wind instrument. Performance venue: The
hash trail. Physical requirements: Must be full of
hot air. Musical ability: Optional.
The horn, the horn, the lusty horn,
It is not a thing to laugh to scorn.
William Shakespear: As You Like It (Act 4, Scene
2)
|
|
Missionary
Position: Hash Flash
In Real Life: David DUCKHEAD
Sheldrick
|
Hash
Flash: The person who captures on film for posterity
all embarrassing hash moments. The hash flash must have
an acute sense of the absurd to know what to take photos
of, and also a small degree of reliability to bring a
camera, film, take pictures, have them developed, and
put only the finest thereof into the sacred photo album.
Get hissed at by circle participants for blocking the
warmth of the fire when taking photos. |
|
Missionary
Position: HashMug
In Real Life: Julian
GREASE
NIPPLE Young |
Hash
Mug: Only open to graduates of recognised bar tending
courses, the Hash Mug requires planning, skill, mathematical
precision and, most importantly, a steady hand. Remember,
spillage of this liquid gold (beer) is considered catastrophic
and is met with the wrath of the GM and the horror-struck
eyes of the circle. The Hash Mug plays the lead role in
the eternal struggle of good versus evil - a beer that
is neither too cold nor too hot. If Hash Mug fails, they
are destined to a beerless life of dark despair, the butt
of Hash jokes as their name has been changed to "cumgargler",
but if they succeed, aaaaahh, nubile Harriers and Harriettes
will meet their every need in Hash Heaven . . . |
|
Missionary
Position: Hash Waiter
In Real Life: Vicki
PHOBIA Jarmaine
(H)
02 6231 7507
(W) 02 6275 2249
(M) 0419 984 094 |
Hash
Waiter: Not
a role for the faint-hearted, the Waiter must be quick
on their feet in order to satisfy the GMs constant abuses
of power through awarding down-downs to his/her circle.
The pressure of getting that glass of sweet nector of
the Gods (beer) to the many waiting recipients before
the singing begins has sent many
a waiter to the drink. Quick thinking, a good Hash waiter
will soon learn to juggle drinks on their head, elbows,
breasts, soles of their feet, ears and penis. Best suited
to alcoholics. |
|
Missionary
Position: Hash Orgy
In Real Life: Jackie
FURBALLS
Newman
(H)
(M) |
Hash
Orgyniser: The veritable Jamie Oliver of the Hash,
the orgyniser can whip up a gastronomic extravaganza out
of a few dirty potatoes, an old sausage found under the
table, stale beer, tomato sauce and an out-of-date can
of baked beans. The orgyniser is responsible for feeding
the hordes at Hash events, and bullying those present
into doing the preparing, serving and cleaning. Dieters
need not apply. |
|
Missionary
Position: Hash Pyro
In Real Life: HIDDEN FLAGON
|
Hash
Pyros: They make fire, they keep us warm, they
are good, ug ug. Seriously though, Pyros hold one of
the most important positions at Capital Hash. Pyros
attract fire trucks, which means that they attract Firemen.
Pyros are very popular with Harriettes.
Skilled in the ancient art of scavenging, they toil
away their days roaming building sites and rubbish tips,
searching endlessly for those bits of wood worthy enough
to warm the bodies and souls of Hashers on cold, chilly
Canberra nights. |
